What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
