I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sober January is a disaster.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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