i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
