I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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