No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
