Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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