everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What a dumb baby whore.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
