I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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