It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
