these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
