She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
