the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
