I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
