I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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