so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
