Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
