look no pants
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
