you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
