Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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