Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
