i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
