tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
