we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
