i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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