We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
