Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just threw up on my dentist
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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