Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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