Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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