We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We just shotgunned beers for America
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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