i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
