My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
