My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
