isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
