I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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