i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
