I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
