You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
