I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This baby is an asshole
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
