forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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