I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
