You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
