Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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