Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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