You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
