I wish I could punch you in the face.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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