we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
