her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
