i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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