Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
