So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His hands were made for my vagina.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
