Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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