You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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