I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
